...and then suddenly i became sad for no reason

Today is one of those days when i cried for no reason.
The worst kind of sadness is not being able to explain why to anyone, not even the one who is the reason.

Let me tell you that feeling sad for no reason is the worst kind of sadness, because there’s nothing you can do to make you feel better. I dont think people understand how stressful it is to explain what’s going on in my head when i cant even understand it.

Crying is the only thing that makes sense when i have to be strong for too long.

And sometimes i just need someone to tell me that i’m not as bad as i think.

My Addiction

When you have an addiction, the key is to admit that you have a problem. Well.... here's mine: I am addicted to this one online shopping portal. Just in a single click couple of hours later a sweaty ojek driver landed at my doorstep with paint, brush, canvas, paint thinner and turpentine. Who doesnt want that? 😂

See.. i am a lazy person. I love the finer things in life, including what convenience can give. It matters the most to us (or at least to me). Goods delivered in the snap of a finger. I cant believe i used to physically go to stores and take money from my purse to pay for stuff like a peasant. With a click i have things delivered to me like I'm a khaleesi 👸😂

So tonight i want to make the most of this so called Harbolnas and lay around in my comfy couch while surfing the shopping portal. I will be waiting impatiently for another ojek driver to arrive at my doorstep.

Long Story Short, I'm Still Alive and Running

Regardless of my test result, regardless of my physical condition. My Neurologist said my condition should not prevent me from doing what I love, including running. So yeah, still breathing and running. Still very much alive and living the life that I love.

Again, I love running, not for the social part. Not for the show-off part. Bur mostly because I enjoy the pain it caused during the run, the alone time and the feeling that I get after a good long run.

Pain?
Not only normal people, insane creatures like runners feel the pain too, you know.
We feel miserable like half of the time during our running sessions. So what's with the adoration to pain and misery? Are runners masochists? Perhaps :D

Non-runners often ask: why do you still run if you feel miserable? It's the result that embracing the challenge of pain and misery that serve as one of the most valuable parts of experience. The feeling that we conquer the pain and misery is unbeatable. Being able to go through pain and misery successfully and alive is a confidence booster.

Sure, we also enjoy the occasional gasp from friends and family.

It's a confidence booster as well, that non-runners think of us as creatures who enjoy and can endure frequent pain and misery. We kinda feel like a: BADASS!